The Courtyard
by digthatshizz
Summary: Playing on the idea of the courtyard being the place Anna and Bates have their most meaningful interactions.
1. Heart and Soul

**Very fluffy. Been writing modern fictions and will get back to those but fancied writing this. This 'happens' on the evening Lady Cora loses her baby. From Anna's POV. **

Walking outside, stopping just after I step over the threshold, I allow the events of the day to sink in as the cool evening breeze caresses my face. Such sad news, a terrible thing to go through no matter your social class, race, religion, whatever. Closing my eyes, I take in a deep breath before the sound of wood hitting the floor disturbs me from my thoughts. It's a familiar sound and recently, a sound that has me smiling instantly. No matter what trials and tribulations the world can throw at this house and those who inhabit it, as long as I can still hear what I am hearing right now, I'll be thankful. The sound gets nearer before it stops. The only thing audible then is the sound of his breathing. The feel of his breath on my neck sending shivers down my spine. Mr Bates.

'I see you've come to my thinking place again,' he whispers and I smile as I watch him walk past me before realising something.

'Hang on,' I reply in mock protest. Following him to a nearby stack of crates which he has sat upon, I stand in front of him. My arms are folded as he looks up at me with a smile that warms my soul. 'It was my thinking place before you even knew it existed.'

He lets out a small laugh before moving up and gesturing for me to sit down. 'Thomas has been in his room since the fight,' I say. 'What a thing to say to William...'

'I don't wish to waste yours or my breath on the man.' is his short reply.

We sit in silence for a while, me wondering what he is thinking of. Sighing gently, I can tell he uses this as an indication for me to know he is about to say something. Instinct tells me to look for his gaze and I find it. It is in these moments, when he looks at me, I feel like I can hardly breathe.

'How is her ladyship, her daughters?' He asks, and I can tell in the sincerity in his tone that his enquiry isn't just a way to break the silence, he is genuinely concerned for their welfare.

'Fine,' I nod. 'Well Lady Mary and her sisters are bearing up. Her Ladyship, well what a terrible thing for any woman to have to go through. I know I couldn't bear it.' Looking him in the eye, he affords me a small smile. 'How is Lord Grantham?'

Again he sighs, a beautiful sound so full of emotion as he looks to the heavens. 'He's not good. Turns out the baby was a boy. He desperately loves his daughters but any man, with all he has to pass on to an heir...' He stops then and closes his eyes. 'No, any man, despite his wealth, longs for a son.'

His admission surprises me. Mr Bates was usually so guarded over his feelings, never one to wear his heart on his sleeve. Here he was, albeit entirely indirectly, telling me he wanted, or had at least thought about wanting children. I suppose personal tragedy brings that side out in people. A question is burning away inside me, the residue of what he has just revealed.

'Do you... Mr Bates, want...' What is it about this man. Sometimes he causes me to lose all cohesion.

'Do I want children?' he comes to my aid and I am relieved to see a grin on his face after fearing I may have spoken out of turn. 'Men do think about these things as well, Anna.'

And now I fear I may have upset him. 'Of course they do, I was simply...'

'There is nothing some men want more,' he interrupts, 'than to come home after a long day at work to a wife and children he loves with all his heart and soul.' Now staring straight ahead, I can tell he is picturing the perfect scene he is describing in his mind. I feel a twinge of longing inside me. Realising that I so desperately want it to be me that he is imagining as his wife, I curse myself for my bold thinking, even though I have kept my acknowledgment within me.

'At one point in my life,' he continues, 'when I was in the army, the thought that one day I might have children was all that kept me going. His Lordship told me about his family, I was jealous.'

'But you had Mrs Bates...' I reply. 'Did you never want children with her.' Before it's even out of my mouth, I am chiding myself over my intrusive line of questioning.

Bashfully, I turn my head slowly to look at him before he continues. 'I could have had children with Vera, but it would only have been them I'd have loved with all my heart and soul.'

Our eyes meet once again, a hundred questions whirring around my mind. He can tell I have things to say, things to ask him. It's like no other human being has known me as completely as he does. Amazing when I remember we aren't, for want of a better phrase, even stepping out with each other.

There is something I can't put my finger on, something that endears me to him. Ever since I have known him he has always allowed an air of mystery to surround himself. It's in these rare moments when he lets his barricades down for a short time, that I realise I want to know everything about him.

'So you have never loved a woman with all your heart and soul then, Mr Bates?' I ask.

'Well, I wouldn't say that,' he replies and my breath is completely taken away as I feel his fingers rub the back of my hand. This is his almost cryptic way of telling me he loved me. He didn't need to tell me. I could tell by the way he behaved when he was around me. Still there had been a number of occasions where he left me in no doubt as to what his feelings were. This was one of those times.

Moving his fingers to entwine with my own, the sweetness of his touch is tinged with pain. Pain because I know that this is all it can be between us. Until he finds his wife, the woman he married yet didn't love completely, we would be stuck in this predicament.

'All that's happened today adds to my argument that life isn't fair.' I murmur.

'How so?' He asks, his grip on my hand becoming tighter.

Looking at him, I stop myself before speaking. I could sit here and whine at him. Reprimand him for entering into a loveless marriage. Criticise him for not being more proactive in the search for his wife. But then I realise everything that has gone on in his past has made him the person I am in love with today. Deep down, I wouldn't change a thing about him.

'It doesn't matter,' I smile, struggling to hold back my emotions. He observes this, I can tell and his hand releases mine before his arm finds it's way around my waist. As chaste as this gesture is, if anyone saw this it would be enough to arise suspicions. He doesn't care and in this moment, neither do I.

'Do you want children, Anna?' he whispers, looking around the courtyard for any witnesses as he moves closer to me. 'A family?'

'Yes.' I reply, nodding as a solitary tear runs down my cheek.

'I don't know if this helps, probably not, but I cannot explain or express how much I want to be the man to give you that.' he lifts his hand to my face and wipes the tear from my cheek.

'I want that too.' I gasp. 'More than anything.'

'Believe me Anna, our children wouldn't be the only thing I loved with all my heart and soul.'

Sighing, I close my eyes as a small laugh escapes me. Damn him for saying such a beautiful thing, knowing there is only a small chance this wonderful scenario could ever come true.

Still, what he had just said gave me something to hold on to. If it was up to him, we would be together. Knowing that I was living in a world where Mr Bates loved me was enough. For now, it had to be.

Remembering what my employers has been through today, I curse myself for getting upset. Standing up, releasing myself from his hold, I start towards the door. Stopping, I look back over my shoulder. 'Aren't you coming in, Mr Bates?'


	2. Mourning

**A very short piece about what could have happened when John found out his mother had passed on. Hope you like. :)**

After leaving the dinner table, John sat in the courtyard, staring into the darkness. Inhaling the clear air around him, he closed his eyes as the pain he had been feeling ever since he received the telegram only moments before reverberated around his body. Clutching the paper on which the message was printed, John pleaded with some higher power for it to be a mistake. For it not to be true.

Closing his eyes, struggling to fight back the tears that threatened to escape them John was startled by the sound of the door opening behind him. As he opened his eyes he heard footsteps getting closer. Familiar footsteps. He wasn't sure he wanted company right at this moment, but he was relieved it was her rather than anyone else.

'Mr Bates,' came the words to break the silence that echoed around the courtyard.

'Anna,' John whispered without turning around. Silence fell again as Anna sat beside him.

Looking up at him, Anna had never seen Mr Bates looking so distraught. So much in despair. She looked at the piece of paper John was holding in his shaking hand. 'What did it say?'

John passed the telegram across to Anna. As she read, John looked to the heavens and bit his lip as tears began to sting his eyes.

'I'm so sorry John.' Turning to face him, John managed a weak smile as he met Anna's gaze. 'I'd do anything to change this for you.'

'What am I going to do, Anna?' John whimpered, looking down at the ground. 'My mother. The one constant thing in my life, gone.'

Anna shook her head, unable to imagine what John must be going through. Inevitably, this day comes for every child but until it happens, most don't even contemplate it. The thought of it is too agonizing. Frightening even.

'I don't know what to say,' Anna said.

As the words escaped her mouth, John broke down, he couldn't hold back his emotions any longer. Anna's instinct led her to place an arm around John's shoulders. She was taken by surprise as he leant his head on her shoulder before placing an arm around her waist. Anna wrapped her other arm around him and pulled him into her embrace as John continued to cry.

'Sorry, I'm sorry.' John apologised after a few moments in Anna's arms as he backed away from her.

'Why are you sorry?' Anna asked, her arm still draped around his shoulder as he sat up straight. 'I'm here for you. I'll always be here for you.'

'That means more than you'll ever know,' John smiled, albeit a smile tinged with heartache. They looked at each other then as Anna reached her hand to John's cheek and brushed away a tear. 'When I said my mother was the one constant in my life, that wasn't strictly true. I'm so glad you're here with me right now.'

'I don't want to be anywhere else,' Anna said softly. 'Not until I know you are going to be alright. I'll sit out here all night with you if I have to. I just struggle to find the right words in this situation.'

'You don't have to say anything,' John replied. 'Just being here with me is enough.'

Calm fell upon them again, sitting together in the darkness, Anna's arm around John's shoulder, their hands entwined between them resting on the crate they sat on. John occasionally broke down again, each time he did Anna's grip tightened to remind him she was still there.

'I'll have to go down to London,' John suddenly revealed. 'The funeral. To sort out the house. Things like that.'

'Sssh, you don't have to think about that right now.' Anna breathed.

'You're all I have now,' John said, surprising Anna with his admission. 'And I don't really have any right to say that.'

'You aren't in the right frame of mind to broach this subject again, Mr Bates.' Anna began. 'You've had quite a shock. You're emotional.'

'I mean it, Anna. I do.' John placed a hand on her cheek, desperation making his words sound even more passionate than usual. 'I need you more than ever.'

'I promise to be here for you, Mr Bates.' Anna replied. 'All I can say is that my heart is yours, I am yours. I have been since the first day I saw you. Even if we can never be together please know that.'

'In this, one of the darkest hours of my life, that fact shall be my guiding light.' John said, the sincerity in his tone making Anna wonder if she had ever loved anyone or anything as much as she loved him in that moment. 'We best go in.'

'Only if you are sure.'

'Yes. I'll enlighten Mr Carson on the situation and talk to His Lordship tomorrow.' John explained as they stood up.

Staring at each other, John put his arms around Anna and held her close to him. She rested her head on his chest, the sound of his heart beating matching the rhythm of her own.

'I'm so sorry for your loss, Mr Bates.'


End file.
